Friday, January 20, 2012

an unexpected absense

makes you almost believe in aliens, doesn't it?

I have never been one to write the sad things. I almost never record the hardest moments of my life. The act of writing wholly immerses me in my feelings. And since I don't want to feel worse, I very rarely write the pain. If you could read my old journals, you would find gaps, stretches of time when I wrote almost nothing. Those were the hard times. Those were the moments of great struggle or pain. I never write the sad.

And so I have been away from this place. I have not been here for weeks - a longer blogging absence that I've experienced. In fact, I am not certain why I am here now. I am still sad. Still struggling. But, I am hopeful, too. Maybe they are right. Maybe we can accept loss if we give ourselves some time. I don't know.

What I do know is that I am tired of being away from here. I have been missing my friends, missing our connectedness. And so I am here. Without much to say, I know. But still here...

Say hello, won't you?

50 comments:

Dawn said...

Hello Relyn. I said a prayer just now for you. I've missed you to!

Sweet Tea said...

I am so sorry that obviously something very hurtful has happened and left you hurting. I am praying you will find comfort and peace to deal with your circumstances, Relyn. So glad you "let us in" so we know there is need in your life. Friends can help buoy you by coming alongside. I am by your side in thoughts and prayers, Friend.

HKatz said...

Relyn, it's good to hear from you. I had checked your blog a few times since New Year's and was admittedly worried, but I also figured it was something where you might have needed time to yourself or a break.

I hope that for the sadness and pain you're struggling with you also have strength and support and faith. And that even if you won't have much to write you'll still post something, because your voice is always a beautiful one. There have been so many times you've written inspiring and joyous things that have helped other people through their sadness, stress or pain.

Be well. I hope things get better. From my experience accepting a loss doesn't necessarily mean being less sad either, just being able to better work with it and accommodate it as life keeps going. I'm sending you a big hug (an internet hug, but the feeling behind it is the same).

Lubna said...

May you see the ray of light at the end of a dark tunnel soon. I too never write of my pain, not in toto, sometimes I share a wee bit on my blog. I pray that your sadness be lifted soon. Take care, friend.

Ally said...

I've been wondering where you've been. I understand your reluctance to talk about sadness and pain. I rarely do it as well.

Don't know what's wrong. Don't need to. Just take care of yourself and come back here to the blogosphere when you're ready.

Just know that you are missed.

Debby said...

I have missed you. So sorry that you have had a loss......sending prayers and ((((((HUGS)))). So glad you are back and we can maybe help you.
I remember when I lost my father. He had been sick. I felt a sense of peace. I am hoping that you can feel some peace soon.

eb said...

sending you:
warm golden sunshine
tea and oranges
smooth stripey stones
creamy velvet ribbon
and quiet...

xox - eb.

Suz said...

I have missed you....and grief is so hard to share...glad you have let us comfort you a bit from afar...sending hugs and prayers for comfort....

Yolanda said...

I have missed you too. You are always a light in my day. I don't know what you are going through but I know how hard it can be. Just know that I pray for you.

meeta said...

I have missed u a lot my dearest Relyn, I do not know what is it that u has got u so sad, i do not know your loss, but I can understand the pain of loosing something, the empty feeling, the sadness and the pain that it leaves behind. I cannot do anything about what u have lost, but I can fill the space with my prayers that u be healed soon, with my words so that u know that u are not alone.

I write a lot when I am sad, I write when I am happy, I write when I experience anything that touches my soul, and with that touch begins a wave of change or understanding, such that for a minute I break from the daily routine of my life and turn within to understand the change that has been started......I write at these times 'cuz I believe that in writing these experiences we actually go through a dialogue, a dialogue that acts as a connect between our perception and understanding and helps us interpret our experiences better, it helps us see things better, understand them better and at times expressing the grief & pain helps us understanding it, accepting it & finding peace.

So just write to have a dialogue with yourself, and see how it goes, as an experiment.

With a big and warm hugs, lots of love and prayers,

Your friend,

Meeta

Jeanie said...

My dear friend, I am so sorry you are experiencing sadness, pain, hurt or loss. I've checked in not to find you, have been concerned, but know how we all have those times where we don't/can't write.

I'm glad you checked in and if -- in any way -- I (or any of us) can help you, walk with you, be there for you, please know we will. I know I will.

I send you love, hugs, warmth, caring and healing of the heart, the body, the soul -- whatever hurts the most.

Joanna said...

Dear Relyn, I was wondering where you'd got to. You really have been missed. I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a sad time and hope that you are getting the help and support you need to help you through.

Sending heartfelt love,

xxx

susanna said...

Hey Relyn,

I've been missing your posts, too. I'm sorry to hear that you've recently experienced loss and sadness. I've been there and it's hard. Taking a break from blogging to deal with the things that are happening in our immediate life is normal and healthy. Just know that your faithful readers will be here when you get back.

PS: I saw my first bouquet of red tulips in the grocery store this afternoon. They were so pretty. A happy spot of colour in the middle of bare winter.

Tracy said...

Good to see you back, Relyn. xxoo

Elyse said...

A great big warm welcome back hello to you. :)

S. Etole said...

I've been missing you. You are held in prayer.

That photo is powerful.

d smith kaich jones said...

my mother's diaries had those same huge gaps. it touched my heart to see them.

i do write the sad, but cannot write when it becomes overwhelming. i understand this.

please know that i am here. holding out a hand.

love you. xoxo

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I owe you an apology. I thought about you today in fact and should've prayed when you crossed my mind. I will definitely pray that whatever you are going through or dealing with will give way to joy and laughter once again. I write of sadness at times because I know that there are people who will be right beside me, lifting me up. I hope that you will find friendship and encouragement and hope in all of us who are here for you. Take care.

knitalatte said...

Hi Relyn,
I've thought of you often since the Holidays, and hoped you are well. Sorry you are going thru a rough spell. I really relate to your not wanting to write or share the bad or hard stuff in life, as I tend to be that way too.
I'll check back again, hopefully you'll be feeling better.
Hugs,
Karen

Cinner said...

Relyn, so glad you popped in, I was worried about you. you don't have to write, just be good to you. I am sorry for your loss, it is hard to accept and a whole process to work through. Know I am thinking about you and pray for you and yours. hugs.

Anonymous said...

Be well
I'm sending prayers your way & hoping it all feels better soon
Anne x

Anita said...

Relyn,I have missed your sweet and thoughtful posts, but understand how it can be difficult to write during the hard times. I feel the same way.
Praying that God lifts your spirit and holds you close during this time.

Gigi Thibodeau said...

I've been checking in from time to time and hoping you're okay. I'm so sorry to hear you are in pain, my friend. As you can see, we've all been thinking of you. Sending you much love and a warm hug from across the miles.

xoxo Gigi

Maggie said...

I came over through the Magpie and found your recent post extraordinary in it's simple beauty. Whatever has caused the pain, it seems like your followers are there for you, holding out their arms and hearts.

cristie said...

it will all work out...i promise. xox

Jeanne said...

I have missed you my darling friend.
Today I send you love and smiles
across the miles.
Love and hugs and kisses.

Soon Spring♥

beth said...

thinking of you so very much, wanting to know more and to give you a big hug.....

when you're ready....i'm here.....xoox

A Box of Chocolates said...

some times we just need the space and the time Relyn take as much as you need and I do hope some healing comes to your heart soon. sending a big hug and love to you
be still and know

Patti said...

Oh Relyn~~~ Know you are loved, thought of, cared about, prayed for, and missed. Time...and prayers... Love you My Friend~~~

Scrappy Grams said...

I have always been the same way, gaps in my journals because I didn't have the energy or inclination to put on the pages my sorrow. Now, at the age of almost 72, I'm thinking that maybe that's wrong. I too wrote very little during the month of December. I pray for you to gain strength and energy. I missed you this month when I got back on the blogging path. ~hugs~

keishua said...

My heart goes out to you. Hard times are so exhausting. I'm swimming through a bit of one myself. I wish you courage, light and love. Peace.

Christine Laennec said...

Yes I have missed you, and am sending much love and healing thoughts your way. (Have been having a terrible time trying to leave a comment here over the past few days!) x

Tracy said...

So glad to see you back here, Relyn... I have been checking here daily/weekly and been missing your beautiful voice here. I am heartily sorry you've been in a place of pain & suffering. It is the hard stuff that's that hardest to convey, and sometimes to share. We've all been there I think. And with blogging, well, we most of us have a tendency to share the good, the uplifting, the every day sweets. But so glad you took a moment to be here and share and connected again with us. Thinking of you extra much... and hoping the dark place you are in, will soften and turn to light, my friend. Be taking good care... ((LOVE & HUGS))

Amy said...

That's precisely what I was afraid of . . . Sigh.

Know we love you, keep you wrapped in our thoughts and prayers . . . and we'll eagerly await your return . . .

Hausfrau said...

Glad you said something--I've been wondering where you were! Whatever you're going through, know that you have friends around the world who care. Please allow yourself the time and space to be sad and to grieve whatever is missing or gone. Hugs to you!

Enigma said...

Hi Relyn,
It is funny how change, though constant can be so hard. I am praying for you.

Jennifer Richardson said...

Sitting here with you
letting the sad be with us
together
and knowing that your precious heart
will sing again.
Knowing, but not saying,
because you can have all the time
you need
to be in the ache
and I will ache alongside.
love and tender hug,
Jennifer

Kimer said...

We grow in these valleys that we find ourselves in sometimes. Be gentle with yourself. Take long walks and see what God has for you in the everyday simple. My heart understands...

Jeanie said...

Just checking in again to say hello, to send you strength, prayer, faith, love. Loss is a tough one. Most everyone experiences loss of some kind, some more tragic than others. But each one is unique, an experience of its own that can yours and yours alone. I hope you feel arms wrapping around you, holding you, letting you cry, letting you BE. Many hugs.

Gayle at Planet M Files said...

Hugs to you, Relyn.

spread your wings said...

Thinking of you, praying the sadness will be lifted soon. You are missed.
Powerful photo

Jeanne said...

So nice to see you back! Love that sunbeam that you have posted. You know we all have dark moments, and sometimes years in our lives. Believe it is time that God gives us to seek him and know that he always walks there beside us.... even when we don't see him. Blessings to you, and know that what ever this is, the times will improve again AND how could we really appreciate the good times, if we had not the 'bad times" to compare them with. Perhaps it would be helpful to reach out, and to tell your story. YOu never know who is out there that needs to hear just what you have to share transparently. Blessings, Jeanne

Jaime said...

Hi honey...
I've been absent too. For different reasons, but still, I felt a disconnectedness, and missed this wonderful universe as well. I've missed you. And I send you hugs and lot's and lot's of love... oh, I hope that you are ok, my sweet friend. Wishing, for you, that you might find a ray of sunshine in these darker days.
xo

Jakki said...

Oh Reylyn Reylyn...I feel your heart...I missed, pretty much, the whole last half of last year. I think I blogged once a month...

Take time sweetie...take YOUR time

Debbie said...

Hello Relyn. I don't know what is going on in your life that brings such sadness. Just know that we are all praying and sending love your way.

spudballoo said...

Hello dearest. I don't know what life has thrown at you, but I'm sorry for your deep sadness. I, too, can't write when things are bad...silence is my refuge. I am thinking of you dearest R. xx

Ms. K @ Write On Thyme said...

Oh my dear, so hoping the things creating a fog over your life are lifting! Sending love and support in the form of good wishes, prayers and so much gratitude: for you, for your life, for those you touch, for your heart. I'm here.
Kirsten

Rita said...

Those rocky places are so hard and so lonely! They are hard to go through, but keep trucking and eventually you will get through them. Praying for you is so easy because I love you!

Cathi said...

Sending you love, hugs, hope and understanding. You have been missed. xxoo

Deborah Carr said...

What a fine following of friends you have. I do hope their words eased your heart some. I, too, know that sometimes no words are there to express the sadness. I do hope you find them, Friend, when they are ready to be found.

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