thoughts on my mid-life birthday

birthday gifts at school from students and colleagues

I turned 45 today.

In the week or so leading up to this birthday, I was a bit bothered by it.  I kept thinking, "Any way you look at it, I'm at least half way to dead."  Not very romantic, but very likely true.  Not many people live past 90.  How could half my life already be over?

Have I done enough with the blessings I've been given?  Have a made a difference in enough lives?  Have I shared Christ like I should have?  Have I loved enough?  Do I have enough time to do all the things I still want to do?  Am I really half way to dead?

But then, Jeffrey my love, like he always does, gave me the perfect gift.  Last weekend the three of us went to Bull Shoals Lake.  No wifi, no tv, no appointments, no taking work with us.  Just time.  Time to laugh.  Time to think.  Time to sing and write and play and swim in the warm, beautiful lake.  Time to read and read and talk and talk and talk.  Time to kiss and hug and hang out on our porch.  Just what I needed.

on the porch at the lake

And, while I was sitting on that porch last Saturday morning thinking about the birthday that was just around the corner, it hit me.  Forty-five isn't half way to dead.  It's half a life still to live.  It's more than four decades.  It's so   much   time.  Yes, yes, I know.  I haven't been promised 45 more years.  I know.

That's not my point.  My point is that there is so much living and loving still to be done.  I don't need to waste time wondering if I've done enough loving, teaching, sharing, impacting.  I just need to get busy doing it now.  Now.  Because today is the only day I can be sure of.

So this year, no worries about the future, no regrets about the past.  Just more joy.  More laughter.  More love.  More sharing Christ.  More learning to love like He does.  More forgiving.  More writing.  More reading.  More talking.  More picture taking.  More time spent well.  More family dinners.  More long walks holding hands.  More time enjoying my students and less grading their papers.  More engaging lesson plans and less test prep.  More poetry.  More love letters.  More porch sitting.  More lake trips.  More love.

... I've said it before.  The answer is always to love more.

a (very late) New Year's Letter to Me

I've posted this image before, but it is one of my favorites. 

I had intended to post this back in early January, but it somehow got missed.  As summer school ends tomorrow and a new school year begins in 5 weeks, it feels a bit like a new year to me.  Late or not, I thought it was worth posting.  Take care, friends.

Dear Relyn,

It feels a little strange to sit here writing while my students write their own letters.  Usually I roam the room helping, correcting, answering, encouraging.  Today, I told them that I would be writing with them.  (Which they loved, by the way.)  I have the big picture up on the smart board that I made for the blog.  They keep looking at it.  And looking at it.  It blows their minds to think, to realize, that they have a say in who they will become.  I can see it in their faces, in the concentration on their faces - they feel powerful.  Maybe more powerful than they've ever been.  And, it's so true - we are in charge of who we become.  It's the first time most of them have ever had that thought.  It absolutely stuns them. 

Really, it blows my mind too.  Think of it - I am an adult, but I am not grown.  I am not finished.  In fact, I am only beginning.  I have so much more becoming to do.  So much more.  It strikes me that my becoming is tied directly to my choices.  How often do I remember that fact?  How often do I make choices that lead me in the direction of growth instead of sticking tight to the path of habits I might have outgrown?  What do I want to change about my life?  I think I must start by changing my choices. 

Happy New Year, Relyn.  I hope this time next year, you will find yourself different, in all the right ways.


Are you all making new choices?  Tell me about them.

thinking...

I've been thinking a lot about this place and about blogs in general.  I've been sad to watch more and more of my friends leave their spaces.  Facebook just isn't enough for me.  It's not real enough or true enough.  Instead, it's just easy enough.  You know?  

I am saddened by the way that Pinterest has changed blogging.  Oh, you know I love Pinterest.  But, it feels as though blogging has mostly become a business platform for young creatives.  Don't misunderstand, I love their creativity as much as anyone.  But, I don't want to give my posts Pinterest-worthy titles and worry about RSS feeds.  I don't want a business, I want a community. 

It feels as though I've lost my tribe.  Like we all changed while I wasn't looking and have gone on to other more tangible pursuits and friendships.  It feels like we've been sucked into the swirling madness of modern life.  We all have so much to do, so many job and family responsibilities.  If we show up at all, our visits are short and on the surface.  I miss the community I found here.

In about two weeks it will be my blog's seventh anniversary.  I've been hanging on to this place in my heart, but barely showing up to the page.  I've been wanting to say things, heart things, and then settling for sharing others' work instead.  I've been missing old friends and not reaching out to make new ones.  I've been wondering if I should close down this fireside.  I've been wondering where all my like-minded friends have gone.

I've been sad.  Grieving, I guess, for lost friends, lost connections.  And wondering what to do.   I'm not sure yet.  But, say hello, won't you?  I'm feeling a bit lonely.

First Impressions

I am so blessed to have Sloane ride to and from school with me each day.  I get to hear about her life, and I always learn something new.  Recently, Sloane was telling me a story about an adult, new to the school, who reprimanded a student for doing something that had previously been perfectly acceptable.  This adult said, "You need to remember that first impressions are very difficult to undo and you just made a very poor first impression."  Sloane said to me, "Doesn't she realize that she's making first impressions, too?  I wonder if she cares what we all think of her now?" 

Wow.  Talk about a punch to the solar plexus! 

How often do I as a teacher, forget about the impression I am making?  The feeling my words leave behind?  And, as a parent?  Do I forget then too?  How often do we, as parents, teachers, the ones with authority, think of the impression we are making? 

I find it all too easy to go on autopilot.  My to do list, like yours, is long and getting longer.  I find it too easy to let "getting things done" distract me from "giving love away."  It's too easy to reply to a long story with, "Uh hunh.  Yeah.  Oh cool." instead of "Wow!  Tell me more about that."  It's far too easy to focus on being productive instead of being present. 

One of the things I constantly have to remind myself is this:

People before productivity.

I wish I didn't need the reminder quite so often.  But, until it becomes a habit, I will say it again, and again, and again.  I will remind myself of these few things:

Be present.  Be attentive.  Give love away. 

Remember, people before productivity. 

What about you, friends?  What lessons do you find yourself repeating in your head?

The picture above is my Sloane, my best teacher.

tell me something...

painting by artist, Paula Rubino

Do you ever feel as though your mind contains a swarm of angry bees?

Do you ever feel as if your life is spinning too fast

and you are about to fly out of orbit?

Do you ever look at your to do list and just laugh?

Do you ever sniff a shirt to see if it stinks

because you don't have the energy to iron a fresh one?

Has your child ever told you, "Mom, I'm down to my last pair of underwear."

Has your husband ever asked you to come to bed with him, and you

barely grunted an answer because you were too tired to talk?

Of course you have. 

Of course I have.

We live in a hurry-up-need-it-yesterday sort of world.

And so I wonder,

How do you put the world on pause for an hour?

 Do you read a book or a pile of magazines?

 Do you bake a pie or eat a cupcake?

 Do you arrange a dinner date with a girlfriend?

 Do you pay someone else to do that chore you've been dreading?

 Do you turn up the music and just dance?

Do you drive and drive and drive?

I do. 

I do all those things - and more. 

And they help.

What do you do?

How do you put the world on pause for an hour?

Valentine's Day

I get as excited as any kid about Valentine's Day.  I love the hearts, the glitter, the glue, the mess.  I love pink and red, and "Do you think he likes me?".  I love making Valentines every year with Sloane, and the way that she always wants to do something special for her best friends.  I love the full-of-wiggles excitement my students get just thinking about the parties and plans.  I love the daily updates on how their mailboxes are coming along.  I love the Valentine Mailbox competition in my class, and I love that Sloane won 2nd place in hers last year.  (She was beat out by a robot.  Go figure.)

I just love this day.  I love that we set aside a day to say, "I love you.  I like you.  I think you're great!  Thanks for loving me back."  I hope you are excited about tomorrow, too.  I hope that you remember all the people and all the ways you are loved.  I hope that couple-hood is not the only love you celebrate tomorrow.  I hope you buy your dog a special treat.  I hope you leave her favorite candy bar in your bestfriends purse.  I hope you offer a hug to a friend and a big smile to a stranger.  I hope you write  a real letter to your grandparents.  I hope you call your parents and tell them how much you love them.  Be sure to wish them a Happy Valentine's Day.  Maybe even give them a "Happy Valentine's Day" from me.  And keep one for yourself.

See you tomorrow with lots of loving-good links. 
Sending you lots of love!

Don't you just love the card left on my desk today during inside recess?  I tell you, it made my day.

.

It's New Year's Eve.  My time to take stock, to reflect, to ponder.  I am usually reluctant to say goodbye, whether it's to a person, a season, or an entire year.  I like to ponder, to think, to say, "Farewell and thank you" to the old before I am ready to bring on the new.  I  like to count my blessings and hold up each memory for one more clear view before tucking it safely away.

I've been doing a little of that.  I've been listing my blessings and my goals.  I've been thinking about intentions and focus.  I've been planning and dreaming.  But.  This year, more than any other, I find myself facing fully forward.  2014?  Bring it!  I'm ready.

May 2014 bring you much joy.  

May we all have peace in our homes, 

laughter by our firesides, 

time spent with family, 

and contentment in our hearts.  

Thank you for being a part of Come Sit By My Fire this past year.  Your visits and each of your comments are a blessing to me.  Thank you.

Happy New Year!

a Christmas wish for you

Mixed in with all the happy hustle and busy bustle, 

           among the shining tinsel and beautiful bows, 

Amid the delicious sweets and thoughtful treats,

I wish for you

Contentment, peace, and time.  

Contentment in the knowledge that you have already 

          accomplished enough, spent enough, given enough.

Peace in your hurry and worry; peace in your home and heart.

And time.

          My wish for you is the gift of time.  Time to slow down.

Time to savor.  Time to count each blessing.  Time to love and be loved.

Most of all, 

          May you know the King of Kings who came to Earth so long ago.

May His love fill your heart this day.

Merry Christmas, friends.  

Merry Christmas. 

Things I Learned in August

Around the last day of each month I post a list of things I learned paired my own favorite photo from that month. 

 ** Sloane is already a better baker than I have ever been. Her rainforest cupcakes are as good as any bakery treat I've ever tasted. **

**  August 5 is way, way too early to head back to school.  **

**  Recess duty isn't ever going to be fun if the temperature is past 90.  **

**  Just because I taught them last year doesn't mean they behave any better the first month of school.  **

**  If you turn the internet off sooner at night and go to bed you will feel much better in the morning.  **

**  The earlier you head back to school, the better Labor Day feels.  **

**  All it takes is a sparkly hat to make a birthday really special.  **

**  When something you've been longing for goes on sale, buy it now.  It won't last.  **

**  Snail mail is still the best cheer-value around - lots of joy for less than a buck.  **

**  While baseball games aren't nearly as fun from the cheap seats (read grassy hill), you can always find something to laugh about.  **

**  A pedicure is only going to last about 3 1/2 weeks - gel or not.  **

**  Make time for friends.  **

**  Laughter really is the best medicine.  **

What about you, friends?  What did you learn last month? 

True Rules

Gretchen Rubin is the author of one of my favorite books, The Happiness Project.  In it, she shares something she calles True Rules of Adulthood.  The list below was written by my family on a short road trip to Springfield, Illinois to visit Mr. Lincoln.  I recently rediscovered them in one of my old journals.  Thought you might like to see them, too.



True Rules



God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good.

Enjoy Sloane's childhood now.  It passes so quickly.

Be lavish with affection.

Be sincere and specific with praise.

Be enthusiastic.  We have only one life to enjoy.

Write thank you notes.

Write at least a little bit every day.

Pay attention to me. ~ Sloane

Remember the 80/20 Rule and toss it!

Try your best. ~ Sloane

Pursue excellence with passion and integrity.

Practice generosity.  ~ Bapak

If you can, use the right tool for the job.  If you can't, improvise. ~ Jeffrey

Read. ~ Sloane

Be kind. ~ Sloane

Make forgiveness a way of life. ~ Bapak

Give more grace than you think people deserve. ~ Jeffrey

If you home is orderly, your life will tend to be orderly. ~ Ibu

If you can, keep your plans flexible. ~ Jeffrey

Don't overcommit. ~ Bapak

A little cloud watching is good for what ails you. ~ Relyn & Sloane

Give assistance at every opportunity. ~ Jeffrey & Sloane

God will give more through you than He will give to you. ~ Ibu, via her boss

Never let someone hear you say anything but praise for your spouse. ~ Jeffrey

Don't let the sun go down on your anger. ~ Bible

If possible, affirm.  If not, be silent. ~ Bapak

Work harder than your boss expects you to. ~ Jeffrey

Think twice before saying yes to a new commitment.

It's really not all about me.  I need to stop thinking it is.  

There are only two things I can control: my action and my attitude.

Never be afraid of a bully. ~ Sloane

Art from a card by Curly Girl. 

Things I Learned in July

On the last day of each month I post a list of things I learned paired my own favorite photo from that month.  Several people asked me if I could make a Mr. Linky so we could all participate.  I tried it last month, but my free trial has expired.  I would still love to have you play along though.  If you want, will you please leave your link in the comments?  Thanks.  

* * When your digital break is longer than planned, you fall in love again with all your bloggy friends and find yourself missing the goodness they share. * *

* * There really is no cure like time beside the ocean and long talks with a beloved friend. * * 

* * No matter how much I've missed my students, I will always wish for just one more day before heading back to work. * * 

* Trader Joe's dark chocolate caramels may be the most perfect candy ever.  Tillamook Mudslide is definitely the best ice cream ever. * *

* * I love practical architecture: grain silos, old barns, city halls, water towers... * *

* * I need to breathe the ocean air and walk barefoot in the sand more often. * * 

* * One new skill, like exposure compensation, can make a big difference in your photography. * * 

* * When your opinions are vastly different from someone's, it is vital to find some point of agreement and work from there.  Otherwise, it is too easy to simply become disagreeable. * * 

* * I really do have more time than it feels like.  It's all a matter of priorities.  I need to begin to spend my time in a way that reflects my deepest values. * *

* * My time limit for road trips and other travel is about two weeks.  After that my system gets all messed up, and I begin to long for my bed. * * 

* * I do not like being asked at random times to taste something.  No thank you. * * 

* * Road trips are good for the soul. * * 

* * There is much history to be learned in studying something simple and commonplace like barbwire.  Isn't that just like life?  It's the common, everyday moments that can teach us the most. * * 

* * I really do love over-sized kitsch.  You know, the ten foot tall prairie dog statues and buildings shaped like teapots or ducks. * * 

* * No matter how beautiful the rest of the world might be.  No matter how many exciting adventures we might take.  There really is no sweeter space than home. * * 

I took July's best picture in Robin's garden. 

Things I Learned in June

On the last day of each month I plan to post a list of things I learned paired my own favorite photo from that month.  Several people asked me if I could make a Mr. Linky so we could all participate.  If you would like to play along and post a list of things you learned in June, you'll find the Linky at the bottom of the post.  

Teaching summer school is not restful.  It is, however, a wonderful chance to make new friends. 

When I have the time, I flit from project to project till I have about seven going at once and it takes me days to finish them all.  I love doing it that way and never mind the mess. 

My Sloane really is a swimmer, and we need to make year-long swim team a family priority.

When you get great news like the fact that your Mom doesn't have cancer, you rejoice for days and weeks and probably years.  

There's still nothing like sitting on the deck, petting the dogs, talking softly, and watching the fireflies.

Tweens crave time alone in their rooms.  I miss having Sloane constantly underfoot.  

I know this is true: "When we do our work with excellence and integrity and diligence, it is an opportunity to worship."  I know that I will need to watch this again when the craziness of back-to-school begins in 5 weeks. 

I took that picture at one of Sloane's swim meets. 

Things I Learned in May...

I had this great idea to post a list of things I learned in the previous month and pair it with my own favorite photo from that month.  Several people asked me if I could make a Mr. Linky so we could all participate.  I plan to get that set up for June's list.  Obviously, I got a little derailed last month. 

 God is in control.  Whether your loved one has cancer or not, God is in control.

Sitting in the hospital waiting room with a friend really is a gift.

Be the kind of friend who sends the card, makes the meal, offers help in tangible ways.

Mailing a card to the mother of your friend is perhaps the most thoughtful thing I've ever known.
 

The best way to respond to someone's fear is to hold their hand and walk with them through it.

You never know when it is your small kindness that will carry someone for a portion of their journey.
 

Call your mother!  Call your mother every day.  You never know when you might lose that chance for good.

I took that photo the day before Mom's surgery when we were at the top of the Arch. 

things I learned in April

I was visiting my friend Alexa when I got a brain wave.  For the rest of this year, I am going to post a list of things I learned at the end of each month along with my own favorite photo from that month.  I think it might be an interesting exercise. 

Some days, you have to shrug your shoulders, put down the lesson plans, and just dance.

Some days, you have to put on your teacher face, find your inner drill sergeant, and get busy.

A good teacher knows which days are which.

Spend the money to go to the concert.  It'll be worth it.

Make the time for regular girlfriend dates.  Even 45 minutes a week at Braum's can keep your connection close.

Spring is a beautiful, flirty girl in a softly ruffled yellow dress.  Now we know why the boys call her a tease.  What's with the newest cold snap anyway??

I know I will never understand why weird weather makes almost all kids misbehave.

swirling

The picture of the witching ball is a perfect description of my March.  It's one big, beautiful swirl.  There will be teacher work days, spring break, Easter break, Easter celebrations, math competitions, geo caching, a language arts fair and competition for my students, and a yearbook to finish.  Plus, two photoshoots.  That doesn't even begin to cover my personal life and church and family committments.  I love this gorgeous, swirling, hectic, mess of a life I've been given. 

How about you?  How's your March shaping up?

on being known

I spent the weekend at women's retreat sponsered by my church.  We had a wonderful time.  I laughed so much my sides still hurt.  What a blessing it is to laugh and pray with other women.

One of the main ideas our speaker discussed was the importance of investing ourselves in the lives of other women; the importance of letting ourselves be known.  I kept thinking of you, my blogging friends.  Right here; in this place where I hang my heart out in the open for anyone who cares to see, here is where I find myself known.  I kept thinking of the loving generosity with which my ramblings, my questions, my thoughts, my lists, my photographs - my very heart - has been recieved. And I was grateful.

I started this blog nearly five years ago.  I wouldn't have articulated it then, but one of my reasons for jumping in was that I hoped to find a way to not be so invisible.  Have you ever felt that way?  You know what I mean, right?  The way that women can spend their lives with others, work side by side, laugh with them at the lunch table, ask about their kids, even pray together... and still somehow  feel that no one really knows you but your own family.  I know some women who don't even feel seen and known by their family. 

And so, I am extra grateful today.  I am grateful for the family I have, who have always seen and known and loved me.  This family of mine that not only supports, but also loves my blogging habit.   And I am thankful for you.  My far-away friends who stopped by once, and saw something of a kindred spirit in me.  I am thankful for you.  So thankful you decided to stay and to let me be known to you. 

Thank you.

The image above is a close up detail from a painting called "The Record Player" by Karl Hoefer.

one word

You know how I told you that I always wear rose colored glasses, at least in the rear-view mirror?  

Do you remember how hard it is for me to let go of the old until I've fully savored it?  

Not this time.

2012?  Not my year.  

Just.  Not. My. Year!

2013?  Bring it!

It just has to be better.  

As I reflected on 2012, I did notice that it was the first year in a long time that I didn't choose a word to be my guide, my daily nudge.  I don't really think that's why last year was so stinky, but maybe it's absence played a part.  Just in case, I think I'll be sure to choose a word for 2013.  

I don't have it yet, but I'm thinking about it.  What about you?  Do you do this?  Choose a word for the year?  If you do, what's yours?  

The image above is a detail of a marble stair garland in the Iowa State Capitol.  

thoughts on my birthday...

The way my family loves me has always made me feel 

in my secret heart 

that I am somehow extraordinary.  

As a child, 

I knew I must be remarkable because my parents were so amazing 

and they thought I was fantastic.  How could they be wrong?  

In my twenties, 

I came to see that we all contain bits of the extraordinary, 

but that most of us settle into mediocrity far too easily.

In my thirties, 

my focus became raising my own daughter in a way 

that would make her feel extraordinary.  

In my forties, 

(Now that I am 42, I am comfortable with being "in my forties.")

I know that most of us live ordinary lives. 

But that makes those lives no less extraordinary. 

In my forties, 

I know that lavish loving is what makes us,

and those we love, extraordinary.  

In my forties, 

I am committed to finding beauty everywhere.  

I am committed to living fully and to laughing every single day.

In my forties, 

I am committed to doing each task that comes my way with 

energy, gratitude, and as much grace as I can muster.

Because, here's what I've learned:

There is magic in the simple pleasure of an ordinary life.

There is grace in forgiveness and compassion.

There is transformation in gratitude.

There is joy in simple pleasures.

I am certain

there is nothing better than a life spent on lavish, generous, serving love.  

three things

What are your three favorite Earth Things?

I mean natural, not-created-by-man things.

What things most lift you up, give you comfort, give you energy?

Me?

the wind ; nothing else gives me so much energy

the moon,  Queen of all Beauty

trees: for wisdom, strength, solidity

You?

an unexpected absense

I have never been one to write the sad things. I almost never record the hardest moments of my life. The act of writing wholly immerses me in my feelings. And since I don't want to feel worse, I very rarely write the pain. If you could read my old journals, you would find gaps, stretches of time when I wrote almost nothing. Those were the hard times. Those were the moments of great struggle or pain. I never write the sad.

And so I have been away from this place. I have not been here for weeks - a longer blogging absence that I've experienced. In fact, I am not certain why I am here now. I am still sad. Still struggling. But, I am hopeful, too. Maybe they are right. Maybe we can accept loss if we give ourselves some time. I don't know.

What I do know is that I am tired of being away from here. I have been missing my friends, missing our connectedness. And so I am here. Without much to say, I know. But still here...

Say hello, won't you?