birthday gifts at school from students and colleaguesI turned 45 today.
In the week or so leading up to this birthday, I was a bit bothered by it. I kept thinking, "Any way you look at it, I'm at least half way to dead." Not very romantic, but very likely true. Not many people live past 90. How could half my life already be over?
Have I done enough with the blessings I've been given? Have a made a difference in enough lives? Have I shared Christ like I should have? Have I loved enough? Do I have enough time to do all the things I still want to do? Am I really half way to dead?
But then, Jeffrey my love, like he always does, gave me the perfect gift. Last weekend the three of us went to Bull Shoals Lake. No wifi, no tv, no appointments, no taking work with us. Just time. Time to laugh. Time to think. Time to sing and write and play and swim in the warm, beautiful lake. Time to read and read and talk and talk and talk. Time to kiss and hug and hang out on our porch. Just what I needed.
on the porch at the lake
And, while I was sitting on that porch last Saturday morning thinking about the birthday that was just around the corner, it hit me. Forty-five isn't half way to dead. It's half a life still to live. It's more than four decades. It's so much time. Yes, yes, I know. I haven't been promised 45 more years. I know.
That's not my point. My point is that there is so much living and loving still to be done. I don't need to waste time wondering if I've done enough loving, teaching, sharing, impacting. I just need to get busy doing it now. Now. Because today is the only day I can be sure of.
So this year, no worries about the future, no regrets about the past. Just more joy. More laughter. More love. More sharing Christ. More learning to love like He does. More forgiving. More writing. More reading. More talking. More picture taking. More time spent well. More family dinners. More long walks holding hands. More time enjoying my students and less grading their papers. More engaging lesson plans and less test prep. More poetry. More love letters. More porch sitting. More lake trips. More love.
... I've said it before. The answer is always to love more.