Monday, July 26, 2010

a mother's heart


It's late. I'm tired. I can't sleep.
Sloane is going to camp tomorrow;
actually, in a few hours.
It's church camp, and I am so excited for her.
Many of my best memories are from church camp.
I want that for her.
I do.

I also want her to be my little girl
for just a little while longer.
I want her to be at home tucked safely in her bed.
Where the last thing I do each night is peek in on her
and whisper, "Momma loves you, Sloane."
That's what lets me sleep peacefully.

This parenting business is hard work.
You know?
Just one long string of letting go.
One moment after another of smiling cheerfully
as they move farther and farther away.
Testing their wings; preparing to fly from the nest you've created.

That's our job though; to let them go.
To push them out of the nest if need be.
To watch them fly.
To feel our hearts soar alongside as they also begin to soar.
That's what it's all about. I know that.
I do.

But did it really have to happen so soon?


I took this image in Robin's garden one week and two thousand miles ago.

43 comments:

moonshin said...

Your daughter is one happy and lucky girl. To have such caring mother to look out for her...enjoy every moments with her, Relyn. I wish both of you happiness ;)vi

WhiteStone said...

Oh, my, how I do relate to this! And my daughter is in her 30s already! Sigh!!!!!

Tracy said...

So fast... it would be nice for moment to put the "pause" button on, to save a moment longer... But such is life, with constant letting go. Beautiful thoughts today, Relyn... Hope Sloane has a wonderful time at camp. What will YOU do? Happy Days ((HUGS))

Kamana said...

i can understand. i dont know how i will manage to cross that bridge when the time comes to let my little ones go.

m.e (Cathie) said...

mine are still little & I desperately want them to stay forever so sweet & innocent..but it's life I guess.
sending you hugs lovely & wishing you happiness ♥

Relyn said...

Cathie,
Sloane is just eight. I have many more of these letting gos ahead.

S. Etole said...

It does happen way too soon, doesn't it? Even watching my grandson "fly" is difficult.

Patti said...

Hi! Molly had registration for Junior year Fri. and turn 16 next week. Just yesterday she was in kindergarten. 'Nuff said...I feel what you feel...~~~Hugs~~~

cristie said...

where does the time go?
where does it go. xox

ELK said...

the blossom matches your feelings perfectly! tears spring to my eyes at the description here..every mothers wish ..it is such hard work...I will be thinking of you today as you say farewell...(((hugs)))

willow said...

You are such a lovely mom. Happy camping to Sloane!

smith kaich jones said...

Not a mama, but an aunt with only one niece and no nephews, and said niece is nearing 14, sending me phone pix of the heels that "omg, i have to have these!!!, :) It kills me. Where did that not-into-fashion 9 year old go?

I don't know you do it.

xoxo
Debi

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

love the image of 'just one long string letting go'. My therapist and I recently talked about my cats and kittens and she asked me 'Will there ever come a time when you won't worry about your cats out there?' and I said emphatically 'No'...they are like my children, too.

Marilyn said...

Yes, it does seem to happen in a blink of the eye. But she will always be your little girl even when she is grown, married, and a mom. She will always need her mom to share her laughter and her tears. Treasure and remember.

I must tell you I usually don't like music on blogs, but your music is so beautiful. It is like a mini vacation, so peaceful.

Tracy said...

I remember my first trip to church camp. I cried and they had to bring me home. I was so homesick!

Elle Bee said...

You're so right--it's a daily effort of letting go. Sometimes it feels like they are slipping through my fingers like sand, so I grasp tighter, but it never works! They just keep drifting away, with new confidence and excitement for the adventure of life! And that's what I want, right? Bittersweet!

Oliag said...

My eldest turns 33 tomorrow...and I still can't believe how quickly it has flown...now I am watching my grandchildren fly...no way to slow them down except through photos!

suzyQ said...

Ahh summer camp! Some of my favorite memories as well.

You are such a wonderful mother... I know my mother is going through a similar phase as I start to prepare for college in a couple of years. It is very hard to imagine leaving. I know how you feel from the other end of it! It is so tough sometimes. But we will make it somehow.

Georgianna said...

So beautifully written, Relyn. You communicate the poignancy of these milestones so well that even those of us who won't ever experience them can appreciate the joys and difficulties, and appreciate exactly what our mothers go through for us, even now. Wishing you a peaceful journey through this latest letting go. I know you've had an emotional few weeks. xo – g

Hindsfeet said...

Just posted a post called "Letting Go".....Maybe, at the end of the day, when we let go of their hands, it frees up their hands to hold the hand of God....

Rita said...

I know how hard it is to let go. But it is so great to watch them grow, try out their wings and become a person in their own rights. As I watched Darren and Barbara pull away, my heart was so saddened as I knew how very much I would miss them. But Darren has received a good promotion and a substantial raise since being there and Barbara called me today so excited and thrilled as she was going out shopping with new friends that she had made. I've watched them grow so much since being there and you too will be thrilled to watch all the phases that Sloane goes through by time she is grown. Just enjoy each one of them! I love you.

Chris said...

How the time does fly when you have children. My daughter will soon turn 30 and I am so very proud of her and what she has accomplished. But the best part is she is also one of my best friends.

Derrick said...

Hi Relyn,

You say you have a lot more 'letting go' to do in the future and I'm sure each one will get that tiny bit easier even though it will always be difficult!

beth said...

both of mine are on their own, now that jack moved out right after high school...

so even at 19 and 22 you still think, WAIT....how did that happen so fast ?

but honestly, the empty nest has it's benefits and i'm trying to really enjoy those !

Jeanie said...

Letting go -- no, it's not easy. And, my friend, it doesn't get any easier when they get older! But there are moments that make you smile, even through the tears!

Jessica said...

I think this so often--but Sloane is such a lucky girl!

SE'LAH... said...

your hearts will remain forever attached, even while she's in camp. sending lots of love your way.

thanks for the birthday wishes, my friend.

krissilugbill said...

this is BEAUTIFUL. i dont even want to think of Lila growing up and flying away :( but, your so right...that is what its all about. we are so blessed to be their mommy's and have them in our lives for a bit of time. Thanks for sharing.

Roban said...

Hi Relyn,
Thanks for checking on me. It's been busy this summer... This short summer, and I'm not ready for it to end. I'm snuggled up with my daughter now as I read your post, and I know exactly how you feel. Just letting her meet friends to shop takes some doing. With four years to go before college, I'm holding on to each moment I can.

Your photo is gorgeous by the way. I can see that you're enjoying yourself.

I'll be around. Hugs,
Roban

Jaime said...

Parenting must be so so hard. But there is so much love in your family, that even though you need to keep letting go, little by little, Sloane will never be too far away from you. You two have a bond that is unbreakable. I'm not a mother, but I am lucky enough to have a bond like this with my own mother. It is the most precious thing.

Dawn said...

Man, I remember how it was to send my baby off and know that I couldn't kiss her goodnight! When the girls were little, I was working on my masters degree and when I came home late from class, I'd still go in and at least look at them (Heck I was crazy, I didn't want to wake them up!). Now I have one getting married and one is currently on a mission trip to Romania. And it is still hard to go to sleep without saying goodnight. Oh, now look what you made me do! I got all teary eyed for you and me both!

Hindsfeet said...

Hey Relyn....thanks so much for the affirmation of your words in response to my post today....wanted to leave my response here so you'd be sure to get it.....your words carried a-lot of weight with me this morning and settled some things in my heart.

Thanks so much, so thankful to be "traveling" with you...

H

Sarah said...

I don't know how you do it, but you do and that is the important thing. Lucky Sloane, to have a Mum like you who does all the important things and lets her go to camp! Hope the week flies by for you and I bet she will have so many stories when she gets home!

elizabeth said...

{Hugs}

You know I love this photo. :)

How wonderful that you and Robin got to spend time with each other again this year! I love that.

Suz said...

Oh yes..I know this ache

Amy said...

Time does fly, doesn't it? And letting go ... well, that's one of the hardest things of all ...

Thankfully, you're building a strong relationship with Sloane. So no matter where the years may take her, you'll always be close in heart...

Mary Jo from TrustYourStyle said...

Hoping your daughter has a wonderful time at camp, I remember I did although my first time I was so homesick I could barely stand it :)

So glad you're enjoying your goodies Relyn!

xo Mary Jo

Lisa said...

i so "get" this post! thank you!

Gayle said...

Childhood goes by way too fast! In September, my oldest son will begin his senior year in high school, my daughter will begin her freshman year of high school and my youngest son will begin his last year of middle school. I love watching them grow into young adults, and it kind of breaks my heart, too. It is so hard and so wonderful to be a mom!

Pearl Maple said...

Beautiful post, will you tuck it away for her to read some day.
Childhood is a fleeting stage to be treasured for what it is.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

They may soar but they'll still soar right beside you. I love that my girls are grown but to them, I'm still Mommy and to me, they are still my babies. Sloane is blessed to have a momma who will be there as she soars and of course, will catch her if she falls.

Then again, you will also be able to leap and jump for joy together. My daughter and I are getting ready to leap as we move to Portland next week. I'm beyond giddy and scared and excited yet, I'm so glad that I'm leaping with her.

Bee said...

Oh, I hear you.
Yesterday we went to our nearest little town and my youngest daughter and her friend disappeared off . . . to buy MAKE-UP! They came home and spent the afternoon experimenting with eyeliner and mascara.

Sigh.

Dandy said...

It's funny how just being pregnant changes the way I look at things. Even commercials and movies... it seems they grow so fast- I just don't want to miss a moment.

Oldies, but Goodies